malignant martyr

Vindictive and voracious blues surround me
      cloudy, angry day....be gone, where is my bright day?
The martyr in me is a malignancy
      the barter for my sanity....benign
bullshit
        How do I give up one reality for the other
when I  have no idea what is....real
anyway?

   Inner surgeon must cut out the malignant martyr
          that is invading my sacred sanity
   Yes, let's do that.....shall we?
Cut away these questions while you are in there, doc
               Why can't I let it go?
                                       Why so in love with the benign bullshit
that feeds the cancer of my thoughts?
                   
                One tumor feeds off the other
interesting.....
I said to myself.....(pay attention self)
       
        Now I find myself looking for a reason
to make it through the surgery
                        Am I not enough, am I not a reason
valid enough to live the life
            I came here to live?

                   In the many questions....is an answer
                         single and sublime
   "yes, you are enough"

Today, I choose to own that answer......fuck you, benign
bullshit! Be gone, I reclaim my day bright NOW!

               Vindictive, voracious blues give way to

the soft blues of the grand and open sky

                       above me

I feel the planet's pulse....through my feet

deep and green below me

                        Staring up.....in grateful wonder

             I discover the courage to make the call

 

The surgery will be scheduled today

                                   Cut out the questions and

the martyred malignancy

  In the space that remains, I find ME

 

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