Saying Goodbye

Tears of Release

I release you

honoring the hours spent

in embrace

tasting your kisses bitter sweet

I knew time was

our enemy

and you would stay

only briefly

Changing me

slightly

and I you, 

greatly

Knowing our moments

were numbered

union formed easily

in the premonition of death

And... knowing you would

leave

did not stop the wound from 

forming

Yet, it halted the

wound from

leaving its scar

 what's left is respect for our trying

Be on your way

and I, on mine

will recall bitter sweet

moments and kisses

In those moments

I shall honor 

what once was

and no longer...is

Defeats dodged.....then what?

How much of your time, your life is spent dodging defeat?
"Why do bad things always happen to me?"
"How come I can't catch a break?"
"I'm always the one who gets crapped on"
"My life sucks"

So much precious time can be wasted in statements like the ones above. There are simple yet very profound elements at work here. It's true that you get back what you vibe out.

I once loved someone who greeted the day as the alarm when off with one word....."fuck". As if to say, "Oh, no, another awful day awaits me"  And, sure enough......it did.
He created exactly that.....an awful day. I am sure that if I were to see him today, he would be in the same mode, the same hole, the same place. And all the while, blaming someone else, something else, some other person, place or thing as the root cause of his all consuming disdain.
When, in all truth and actuality....he is the culprit, he was and is the one who narrowed his own focus so acutely that all he saw for himself EVERY DAY was shit around each corner. He stepped in the dog shit of his own creation over and over and over.
I was married to this man, and for countless days and years, I enabled him to live in his pity party existence, until one fateful day. This day probably began like all the others....except, this would be the day I WOKE UP to my own truth.

I send love and healing to this sad, lost man; but I released any responsibility for his awareness or his healing long ago. I hope that when he sees the moon at night, he can wish upon it.  Somewhere in the depth of himself I hope he knows all is not lost, and that one day, he too will WAKE UP!

The Losses Pale Before the Winnings

Allowing Growth

It is a challenge to grow, accept the gifts you have been given and to allow yourself to own it all. It really is all we need do, yet to be human is to deny ourselves and our wisdom on many levels.

In this song, you can feel Dan's acceptance of himself, his gifts, his walk. It feels like he owned them fully and realized it is not ego to allow them, rather the loss of ego that allows the acceptance to occur in the first place.

The story of Icarus is of a young man trying to escape his life.He was warned about flying too close to the sun with his wings made of wax and feathers. He chose to ignore the warnings of his father, and attempted his goal of nearing the sun, and he fell to his death.

Perhaps, if his wings were made of another substance, he would have continued his ascent and remained in his lofty space, flying unencumbered. Perhaps his journey was one of trust, we will never know what could have been, we only know he TRIED.

A story like this can cause you to say, "See, he died, he screwed up, it killed him" However, we do not know what he learned on that flight, what his view was from the sky as he looked down upon the sea, the land and felt the freedom of weightless flight. Perhaps this was his destiny....... to FLY!!!! Perhaps it was fulfilled, perhaps he had achieved the wonder and realization of who he was meant to be in that one excursion.

Are you meant to fly, are you meant to spread your wings? Perhaps there is a reason you feel the winds of change tugging at your wings, a reason you feel the trade winds guiding you to trust, to accept...to own those wings and FLY!!

Is a life of being stuck on the ground what you want., or are you meant to soar above this lower vibrating plane and discover your true home up high, among the clouds, the birds and among true freedom?

Fly, be free, be brave, be willing.

Waiting for Wisdom?

The Dreamer

I was a Dreamer, I was free to dream when I was small in stature, yet large in possibility! Before a person that towered above me told me I was a silly pants, or a goofy head, or I needed to grow up. Before someone took my innocence and walked all over it as if I had laid a carpet out before them. I wonder what I thought when I was told to grow up.."Hmmm, why would I want to grow up so fast and be like you? Closed minded, worrisome, ulcer ridden stomach in knots....drink in hand cause life is so tough, wrinkles and wage wars and depression". 

I was a Dreamer once.

         The Fool......

I have many times been the Fool, and I do suppose I shall play that role again soon. I prefer now to be the Fool's understudy.....only going on if absolutely necessary.

The Fool can teach lessons quickly if we are bold enough to learn them......quickly. Often times we walk with the Fool inside us over and over, traipsing back and forth, here and there, the Fool openly stumbling through life. One glorious day the light does finally go on, and "TA-DA"...lesson learned.

Some lessons take a second, some a lifetime. If we accept our Fool and allow her to teach us, all the better! "Lessons learned are like bridges burned, you only need to cross them but once". How many times have you attempted to cross that same bridge, paralyzed with fear....smelling the burned, charred, dead wood? Do you wish it whole again because going another way is just not an option you see in front of you? I say to you in times like that.....TURN AROUND! The way may be in another direction and you will not know until you expand your view, your options, your choices.  
In the turning is the growing!

 The Sage

The Dreamer and the Fool become the Sage with time. Like a fine wine corked, stacked and tilted in the dark until the perfect time presents itself. The day arrives when the bottle is opened, the connoisseurs are there, awaiting the taste upon there lips. First they allow the wine to breathe, swirling the nectar ever so gently. Then they take in the aroma. Finally, with intense desire,  they partake in the assimilation of this gift and drink it into their very being.  Ah, and then to speak about the notes, the nuances, the finish, the tannins, the grapes. Over this anticipated bottle of ambrosia they talk and connect and reveal themselves in collected fashion.

So it is with wisdom shared. There are seekers wandering, not even knowing they need this wisdom. You are there, somehow magically brought to the exact same space as they. You begin to connect and mingle, a moment is presented. In this moment, communication and knowledge is transferred, and TA DA.....the wisdom is taken into the very being of the person so thirsty for it.  A life can be changed in this single moment.

Magic Moments... Miracles Manifested!

Allow your Dreamer and your Fool to be honored parts of your soul. The Innocence they possess becomes the Wisdom you own, thus birthing your inner Sage.

Congratulations......may I offer you a cigar?

Short and bitter sweet

OK, Dan, I hear you loud and clear! I agree with you, sir!

STOP TELLING LIES!!!!!

BE AUTHENTIC!!!!!

That is all......

Losing and Winning all at the same time?

Even losing men can win.
How true and poignant! Do you realize that in the losing you can win?
That in the making of mistakes you can actually learn to make the right decisions the next time?
Maybe it's the wrong way, but you may never know until you try, until you head off in a direction that you feel led and test the waters.

I love how Dan speaks about how he and his love went the long way, tasting all that came with that process. Learning painful and joyful lessons along this long way they were traveling together. He realizes as he closes the song, that even though things did not work out for them, that if they should try again one day.....they would repeat the process of "going the long way". That the pain was worth it, the joy was accepted, and they wouldn't do it any other way.

I challenge you to look back at a situation in your past where you went the long way and spend some time honoring this experience.
Ask yourself these questions....
1. What was painful?
2, What did the pain teach me?
3. How have I learned to release the pain?
4. Have I released the pain?
5. What joy did I experience?
6. What did that teach me?
7. Do I allow joy in my life now?
8. How do I continue to allow joy and share that joy with others?

Use this as a meditative practice,and see if you can make peace with your past and connect it your present walk so you can create the future you want!

Let us say words true.....

Are you betrayed by lies?

Are these lies yours?
Or, are they lies others have told you?

A lie is such a viscous cycle....
One little lie told can become the lies lived by generations to come. Words matter, the energy of them is carried to the future quickly and often these lies are pushed forward with great action behind them.

The older I get, the less I have time for lies, lie tellers, people who are not authentic or other such bullshit! Let's just be real and be who we are for Goddess Sake!

If you are tempted to tell lies.....look deep inside of you. This questions has been asked many times in my work with Dan's lyrics.

Lies are fears spoken.....

What the hell are you so afraid of?
And....why do you allow yourself to be afraid?
Is it time to shed the lies and find the truth beneath your fears?

Give and Let Give

I gave some love away
today
I read a future yet
untold

And I was gifted to meet
a soul... wise and old

Shared my love with you
and her
In return I enjoyed clear sight
where prior it was clouded

In the clarity I saw 
my own future become de-shrouded

I needed a hug
in the midst of recent strife
A stranger entered
with news and opportunity

As I accepted this gift
I caught a glimpse of my own divinity

Give it away and it shall
return to you
Covet it and it
meets an untimely dimise

In the giving you will transform and grow
more than your soul could ever surmise

Once upon a time is now
Plant the seeds, reap what you sow
As you spread your love and give it away
your garden of giving will grow

REFLECTIVE or REACTIVE?

I feel changes coming on
I know that I will soon be gone
Perhaps I don't really need to
Talk about it
(not yet, anyway)

An interesting situation just occurred and this song appeared today to address it. The wisdom around this is staggering! The proper song ALWAYS shows up.......you can draw your own conclusion about who sends the songs to my ears.

When we find ourselves cornered or in an uncomfortable place, we want to share our pain.
It seems appropriate to mention that we have choices around how we go about doing that.

I have learned in times of emotional quandary or when I am wearing my emotions on my sleeve, that I can be very reactive and often NOT reflective. It has been a lesson to me to step back before attacking or discussing my thoughts and decisions with others, mostly because there is just too much adrenaline in my body when I am emotionally charged. Adrenaline is linked to the "fight or flight" syndrome, and is a physiological reaction to a crisis. We are supposed to run from the danger presented in front of us, not begin slinging verbal arrows at other people. Think about it........ have you ever seen just one arrow shot in a battle? Then, there is the counter strike, and before you know it....all hell breaks loose!

So, as mentioned, in light of recent developments, let me say I vote for stepping back from an emotionally charged event and processing, calming down and collecting our thoughts before we place them out in social network land for all to read. The energy of all we do is important and once it's out there, the damage control can be a HUGE clean up project.

We forgot, I think, that we have choices around this, especially in the instantaneous "thought to documentation" lifestyle we live these days.

In the words of Rodney King in the wake of those awful riots "Can't we all just get along"?

Sharing your offerings

Offerings

What do you have to give?
Wisdom, laughter, guidance, a shoulder?
Who gets it?
Do you give it freely?
Do you give it too freely?
Do you lose yourself in the giving?

Do you receive as well?
A person can fully give only when they allow themselves to receive.

What do you have to give to yourself?
When do you share your gifts with yourself?
Seems as though today is a wonderful day to begin...

Give a little bit to yourself, so you can give more to others.

Wandering......

At times, we feel we are merely
wandering....
Left out in the cold
Alone and scared, fearful

We wander there and here
Attempting to "be strong"
Believing in something larger
Than our own selves

Lost in the land of Never
The land of Can't
The land of Darkness
The land of No Where

Suddenly.....though
A light breaks through the darkness
An opportunity,obscured prior
Has been presented

Risking, we step forward
Our inner compass appears broken
yet....
A vision leads us in the proper
direction...a miracle experienced

The revelations of a life given
Back to its rightful owner
Are many....
and profound

May you never stop seeking
May you wander till you find
Your own life, your own way
Your own YOU

:) Gonna have to see us.....AGAIN!

I LOVE how these songs just 'magically' show up!

Peoria calls us all back....to be rejoined in our celebration of the man that brought us together last summer.
The celebration marks the 60th year of his life. This life has sustained us and healed wounds, marked our own celebrations, and gotten us back on course countless times. Thank you, sweet man.

Because Dan followed the calling he felt in his soul, we were all improved by his risking, moving forward and doing what he was put here to do. I can not imagine my life without his music as a guide for me. How would I have made it out of the shallows of my puberty into the awareness of my twenties and the impending, deepening of my life as I begin my process of becoming a crone?

I am entering my 50th year in this life on this planet and Dan has been, and always will be a huge reason for my growth as a person, a soul, a human. As we celebrate him this summer, we shall be celebrating our lives as well. Those of us who gather at the river are there because our souls find nurturing in the combined connection that our hearts feel and know.

It looks like Illinois is gonna have to see us all again.....and I CAN NOT WAIT! We will be there for the harvest of emotions, hugs, tears, memories shared and new ones made. As we are called hundreds and thousand miles East, we will be reunited with old friends and new ones our hearts already know.

And all of this can be true.....all because one man followed the calling of his soul. Pretty freakin' amazing......

Burdens Bared and Shared

Waking this morning to the news of the devastating Earthquake in Japan is so painful. After yesterday's post about welcoming and honoring the morning, the new day......I have to admit my joy for a new day has been diminished. Life can be so healing, so peaceful and so awful all in the blink of an eye. How resilient the human spirit is in times of turmoil. We become dependable in a crisis, we feel the pain of others when they are faced with tragedy.

We all have a place in the world......we all belong somewhere. Today, we all belong to the family of our planet Earth. Today, we all live in Japan and Hawaii and on the West Coast of the United States. We allow our love to shine out into the far reaches of our existence. Our connection is strong, we are praying in unison, we are hoping for the best within this painful, deep hole of the soul we find ourselves in right NOW.

As you send out your healing thoughts, prayers and energy, please, please remember to send these also to our ailing MAMA GAIA. She is bursting at the seams, she is desperately asking for HELP. She is sorry she has to react this way, but..... she has; after all; been asking for SO long. Perhaps we are hearing her today, perhaps we will listen now. The song our mother is singing  from her heart is one with a profound message...."HELP ME!"

Your mother calls out for help......how will you answer her?

No Mourning the Morning!

Proclaim the Morn!
It brings the newness of each day
Announce this truth
as you begin your daily journey

Embrace the Morn!
for with it comes the sun
Rising in the East
Awakening your spirit

Herald the Morn!
Befreind this constant companion
It shall be with you
till you no longer....are

Live the Day!
That each morning brings
Is it not a fool
who argues morning's return
tomorrow?

Create the Day!
it is given to you in a circle
never ending
A natural resource

Allow the Morn!
And you will be taught
to honor the sun's
West setting......orange, red, pink

Welcome the Morn!
as it welcomes you
Relentless, it awaits you
Partner with it, make it

YOURS

All about the Journey......

These songs make me think of the journey Joe and I embarked upon our way back to Minnesota from California. We had moved to Northern California, San Francisco, actually to begin a new life.Our plans were short lived, though, and we were called back to Minnesota. The pain we felt about this unseen cog in the wheel that was our lives, was very difficult to release and transform. However, I realize today that we have actually done just that.....transformed the pain into a new future.

We have now been back here longer than we were gone. May 8th will mark 3 years since we returned to the place we had left in our rear view mirrors.
It has taken a long time, but we have healed from the experience of "impossible odds" we found ourselves held  against, and we have created a newer, refreshed life here this time around.

In the midst of a crisis, we only see what is in our sites to see. Our vision is narrowed by fear, anguish and frustration, often sadness.
I am thankful our sight has expanded, and we clearly see that home is not where you live, but who you live with. It is the people you love and the others you encounter along the way, the experiences you cherish and those you that would rather soon forget that pave the road home, no matter where you find yourself. Life is about living, and we certainly did that!

On our trip home again to the North, we stopped in Aspen and I played these songs as we drove into the city limits. Back then, I had no idea how important Dan's music was to become to the writing practice I was struggling to achieve. Danspirations were not yet in my field of inner vision......Peoria 2010 was the event that sparked this collaboration I so greatly welcome as a part of my everyday life now.

I could feel Dan there, in CO; in the very stone and ridges of the mountains that looked like they were formed by Giants pushing against them. I could imagine his misty breath in the cool, crisp air; and sense his joy at the Natural Beauty that surrounded us as we stood entranced at the view.

Little did I know I was heading back to a deeper, stronger connection to him, a very comforting reunion with my family, and my future awareness of the DanFam that was soon to be formed. What is in our sites to see NOW is endless possibilities, and limitless potential.......and we found these hidden treasures with a journey that began when we left CA in our rear view mirrors. Sigh.......

The Children We Were...

The children we were
Are the adults we become
When we realize this truth
We are set free

We can explore the people we wanted to be
then....

Because then....we knew our true selves
Then we trusted our feelings and our knowings
Until someone else told us.....
not to

When you get to the point in your life
Where you realize this simple truth
You can begin to be the you
The child always knew you could be

A child shall lead you
Back to your self
If you lead yourself back...
To the child you once were

Ode to the diet.....

I asked Dan for a light-hearted collaboration today, everything has been feeling so heavy lately.
Hard to Say came on, so let's see what we can do here to give a little levity to the message today!

Ode to my diet......

It may not last
This love affair with greens
I'm hoping to lessen the size of my ass
and fit it better in my jeans

It's such a chore
to eat the foods I'm sposed to eat
I find myself at times wanting more
and then the temptation comes to CHEAT

I have fantasies of sweet stuff
mixed with fat and salt
Can't say no, I'm not strong enough
yet I know it's not really my fault

The car broke down
or I'm feelin kinda funky
so my sorrows I drown
in a carton of  Chunky Monkey

Why does this cycle repeat and repeat ?
It's  just so damn hard to say
but I promise I'll be better and get back on my feet
if I can  have just one more CANDY BAR today

Empty Plate?

Our lives are like empty plates we wait for others to fill for us.
Perhaps THIS person will give us what we need to fill our plates, or the empty space in our souls. We want so much, we ask for it and then we turn away as it is presented.....maybe it's not cooked to our liking, or it has too many calories, or the crust is still on it! OMG, how could they leave the crust on?? I am NOT going to eat that, it shall be returned to the kitchen......"FIX THIS" we cry out.

Perhaps the Universe fills the "plates of our lives" with unexpected nourishment because we really need to eat that which is presented on the plate. Perhaps we are being asked to reach past our comfort zone and try the icky looking highly nutritious "entree" before we disregard it with a single fearful "I don't like that".

Is not an empty plate ready to be filled?
Could an empty plate be a receptacle for NEWNESS and OPPORTUNITY?
Take a moment and stare into the empty plate. As you see your own reflection staring back at you from the mirror of possibilities......
ask yourself; truthfully ask yourself.... "what the hell am I so AFRAID of"?

Impending Changes....

Change is a huge part of our lives. Often we get fearful around change or making a change or allowing a change. Think back to your child hood, change was a constant variable, almost daily, as you grew and explored and tested the waters, risked by stepping out of boundaries, receiving encouragement from peers along the way. When we were young, it seemed that adventure was a part of our gig.....skinned knees, first loves, the first time we accomplished something monumental.....wanting to accomplish more.

And then......as we headed off to college, or we get married, or we give away our youth.......something inside us died or hid deeply inside of us. We place all sorts of ideals on ourselves, or we allow society to do that for/to us.We have children, and work our jobs, buy our houses, pay our mortgage, because this what we are "supposed" to do. One day we pack away our adventurist gene, and often we forget it even existed.

Go look for that gene....dust it off.... it has been in a box for years among other memories of days past......let it be seen in the full light of day. Learn about your self now and who you have become.....who you want to become and what about yourself you are willing to be healed. Put on that pith helmet and explore in the dark recesses of your psyche, bring some of that youthful excitement back to your life.

If you find yourself fearing change, or dreading it.....perhaps you forgot to remember that you can CREATE it to look exactly the way you want it to look. You have a say in what happens to you!!!!

Let the loose ends teach you.......heal you and be a friend to you. For any thread that frays can be shored up with new thread. Any life worth living can be restored.....any change impending can be illuminated and transformed any way you want it to be.

You really ARE THAT POWERFUL !

Repeating messages....

Since I began my writing excursion with Dan's music, this song has come up many, many times! It is one of his songs that speaks most deeply to my soul.
So, it got me thinking about repeating messages that we receive in our lives.

Sometimes they are negative....
"I'm not worthy"
"I'm not enough"
"I'm not good enough"
Why is it that we are so quick to believe these messages that linger from our childhood?

Today, I ask you to rearrange the messages that are negative and make them positive.
When we remove one word from each thought above, they magically transform.

"I'M WORTHY"!
"I'M ENOUGH"!
"I'M GOOD ENOUGH"!

Say, allow to be true, repeat! Any questions?