Dusty Way

Dusty day
Dusty life
Dusty marriage
Dusty wife
Dust in the corners
of my mind
Dust covering the answers
I am to find
The move back from CA
killed us, you, me
Bit by Bit...mile by
mile
Now we are lost under all
the debris
and I can't find my
smile
Do I dust it off
Do I wish to
In your arms still soft
I no longer know what to
do
I don't feel like I fit there
anymore
We have grown apart
Our ships sailed to separate
shores

You're on land, me still riding
the ocean
Someone tell my heart
That it's OK to clear the gathering
dust
It's not the fault of either one of
us
It just is, as she tells me often
This dusty day I close the lid
of the coffin
On a love that saved me
and made me
whole
Fast forward.... I am
whole enough
to know
the time has come to
let us go

Birthed of Battles

Won the battle you say
I never came to it anyway
That was not me you were fighting
on that hill
Your opponents are your many fears
yet you never will
admit such a blatant truth
As you stand on the hill alone
doing anything to coax your youth
into staying, as you feel it flee
One day, you will meet the cold
reality

Your life was birthed of battles
Herding your friends through gates
like as many head of cattle
No matter how loudly you shake and
rattle
your self imposed chains
I won't come and cut them as they rust
in the driving rain
falling from your lonely, burning eyes
I've been the fool of your fears as you criticize
all I am and am comfortably being
I am done, you can go.... and in your fleeing
Know there will be no one chasing behind
I've got better things to do with my time

Won the battle you say
Good for you, right on.... hooray!!!!
I am off to walk my road of peace with the
wind warm on my face 
A new life for me to embrace
Enjoy the fight that keeps you in your tower
High above everyone else, so much power
Must feel pretty good, how's that working
out for you?
Won't be long....another battle will ensue
A soon as you feel ignored and small
So be it...hope it's worth it all

the hot pink rise of the sun

I feel your pain

Yet, mine, is undetectable

Too close for comfort

Too real for words

But, yours I know, yours

I know

 

Reflecting for each other

Resounding... regrouping

Rejoining the fold

After we pick each other up

from the cold hard

ground of our warm and wild 

lives

 

Feel my pain, teach me

about it

Help me access the tears

that torment me....

laughing

They haunt me in the deep

night....calling my

name from the shadows

As I gather and allow the courage to

look....to meet them

They disappear.....seductive, swift 

specters

they are....

 

Ghosts lurking, tales tempting

The fear of my own tears

keeps me locked up.... trembling

Head under the covers

Heart pounding in my heavily

laden chest

 

Help me know my pain.....

teach me

I need to know, I want to

know it

Time to banish the ghosts

Send them far

away

in the hot pink rise

of the sun

I Smiled

I heard a song today
Took me way, way
back
I smelled the air as it
was back then
I knew the peace of being
young
In love with the promise
of the future
Jammin..... driving my first
car rockin my
8 track

The sun was
bright
It shone on my shoulders....
slight
Unencumbered by the world's
weight
Not yet knowing the deepness
of love's lonely debate
This song gifted me a memory
It was pulled up from the depths
of me
And I smiled......for me

Weapons of Self Destruction

Invited to your personal war

I decline

Invited to a pity party

I decline

Invited to a battle of wits

I decline

Invited to an ego fest

No thanks

 

I choose to accept the invitation

from the peace of my

own voice

I choose peace and quiet

Stillness and subtle

yet profound counsel with

my inner peace monger

It's how I roll

 

You are invited to join me

However, you must leave those

weapons of self destruction

at the door

When you're ready, let me

know

Peace, baby

 

So Be It

When it gets dark
I am there
When it is light
There, I also will be
In the half light waking
in the fullness of the moon
reflected on the water
I am beside you

So be it

I'm always there
The way you walk with
me is up to you

So be it

If your chains keep us
apart
So be it
If your demons deal us
a
folded hand
So be it
I'll be there anyway

So be it

This is the way it is
Every smile, every tear
I see them all

So be it

I decided to love you long
ago
And so it shall be...for a
long time

Crash Landing

Crash landed
Wings on fire
Fate handed
me my dead desire
How in the world
Do I hold on in the swirl
The downward pull calling
Into the abyss I am falling

Falling.... full of fear
How did I discover myself here
Naked....under nourished
Frail when once I flourished
Is there a message to decode?
I must be fearless and ever bold

Fall free
If it kills me
I will have lived a life good
No more whens or shoulds
Gonna enjoy the loss of gravity
And plummet into the cavity

I'll make crash landings my forte'
Kick the shit outta the troubles before me
One day when my wings heal
I can fly out or I will enjoy the conceal
of living in the abyss alone
Unchartered territory my true home

So crash I shall
The fall will crack the shell
and I will become the spin.... the swirl
Living strong in my own world

enough......

Met myself in a warm and
white
meditation
She asked me a question simple
in its flow
Yet the answer I did not immediately
know

"What do you give me?"
Was her deep yet simple
query

She asked it in perfect metered 
prose
as I rose
to step
away from her, certain our
time had come to an end
this day

I turned to gaze into her eyes, my
eyes
Looking for a glint that she might be
joking, lightly teasing
This was no joke, her silence told me

"It is I, too, who must live with your
choices, your decisions
I, being the you who lives inside
The you of the outside must walk
the roads
This synergy of us is out there in
the rocks
and the sun and the snow
making it day to day
moment to moment
joy to joy
heartache to heartache
I am here to guide us deeply
in the ways not of the
physical world you trudge
through"

"So, tell me....what do you gift to us?"

I became perplexed, anxious
Fearing I may make a mistake
Fearing I may utter the wrong words

My answer came as the hawk flew over
our blanket on the soft green grass
of the ground where we
meet
"I will give you wings" I whispered
"I do not need your wings, I am free"
she shouted

Running the grass between my trembling
fingers, I spoke again
"I will give you roots" I sang
"I need not the roots, I am deeply rooted now"
she returned

A tear fell to my face.....the task seemed so
daunting
As the eagle passed over on the
current of invisible air without a sound
I knew what we needed, what she
wanted

Lowering  my head in humble gratitude
I said....
"I will give you my throat, so that you may
sing our truth from this place
of peace"

She was still, perfectly still
Sister Wind came and wrapped
around us
I waited for a response, stillness
met me, silence over took
me
I once again, looked upon my
own eyes
Tears of joy rolled and rushed 
down the
contours of her face
They formed a pool of blue
between us

She gathered her self and spoke....
"This is all I could ever ask for"
"Thank you, let us begin this very
moment"

I found myself back where I had begun
no longer in my meditative
space
with
myself
face to face

I rose, taking my station
in front of the mirror
on my wall
As I gazed into our eyes
she again spoke to me
gently.....

Her first truth from my
throat 
(and I quote)

"I am enough, always in all ways"

The Sand and The Snow

 

 

It is the winter of my desert

life

The sand's sexy shifting

become the snow's

deadly drifting

 

The heat of the sun ripe and

seductive in the

sultry sky

Morphs...that same sun taunting

and tantalizing

as I tremble.... uttering a frozen

cry

 

My tears ...frigid on my face,

weather worn

They freeze as do I, an
icicle formed from

 my 
sub zero scorn

Still life, frozen in time

The once lush green, vibrant

vine

Dies in the snow....only a

picture perfect

memory

A recall of the summer

half living deeply buried

under the drifts

of me

 

Sun Goddess so far away

I crave the hands of your heat

returning one day

As you touch me..... melting away

the

misery

Revealing the green and

gorgeous

vitality

That is the sexy shifting

of the sands of me....

alive

No longer surviving,

waiting

But knowing again what it

means to
THRIVE!

flight of the vine

in the growing
in the garden
of life
is the knowing
this is a hard one
no longer a wife

struggles laid out
for this vine
I have become
I will climb and shout
ascending the incline
moving forward for no one

but me

garden gate flung open wide
I grow straight up to the sky
breaking through the boundaries
I seem to notice all around me
yet I did not construct these
and I no longer am here to appease
them

flight of the vine
aged as the finest wine
ready, willing, able
from the garden to the table
the bounty I have grown
sits on this table alone

a feast, a celebration
as I allow this space of  elaborate elation
I envibe my harvest's vibrant vibration
revive my soul, sustenance so refined
feed this wandering woman vine

Good Morning, Star

Morning star yawning, sets to sleep
But not before she greets me after
my dreams deep
As I rub my waking baby blue eyes
She stares at me, sleepy from her sky
Peeking up past the hill's white crest
As the day wakes deep upon my
white breast

Not unlike the new fallen snow am
I
White and awake, living under new sky
A soft white glow upon my face
Pristine and crisp, no trampled trace
Of any one walking leaving prints
I am free of intrusion or incident

I wake to this day and bid goodnight
To the morning star's far away lantern of light
For she and I walk roads reversed
The same world we each wander and traverse
She lights long into the night's somber steep
As she's on alert, I know the dreams of sleep

While she is covered in her cosmic slumber
I move and flow through my days in white
wonder
Of the morning star painted upon my waking
sky scape
And how....
Her waking illuminates .....my mid-nightly dream
escape 

Like This...Part 2.....For me

"Love yourself like this" I sang
And I taught myself how
In my shelter the stillness rang
The silent snowy blue white truth
of now

I chose to be alone
My cure for lonely
Stripped down to the bone
The naked ways of me....only

"Love me this way
Give your soul spinning space
A place to meet the sway
A place to match Gaia's pace"

I sing my music in my brain
Silent love song to my re-birth
I have rewritten my own refrain
Embryo in the womb of my mama earth
 

Like This....for Joe

 http://www.twistedrootstudios.com

"Love me like this" I sang
and I showed him how
In his amazement he screamed
"Wow"
And he gave to me all that
he had and more
His love for me now, has opened
a once hidden door
Occluded by my need to honor
him and us

I spoke to him of how to love
me now, I had to trust
That we would be ok
As I walked into the
light of a
brand new day

"Love me like this" I cried to
him today
and he loved me more with
each step I took away
And I love him with all that
I am and will be
I allow his love light
to shine on me
As this light steers me home
And he returns to our home....
alone
We know we have loved like
precious and few
Ever are gifted the opportunity
to

briefly ablaze

Hold me close

sway in time

Freeze it here, time

is

still

As we move within her...

dancing

Nothing else, no one

else

Only you, I....the

vibration, the waves taking

us in and out

to and fro

Orchestra...ours

Lean into me, let

me lift you

high above the noise

Into our own world....

dancing

In my dreams, my visions

of the night,

we live this way

In the cold morn

The reality jolts me

awake

with the crispness of newly

fallen snow

As I set the fire....

she jolts into blaze

and I recall the

touch

of you melted into me

as we danced

in my dream

only moments ago

yet, so far, far away

is the sway

I crave

My

sanity

My

insanity

The juxtaposition of my

days frigid and fierce

and my nights too

briefly ablaze

with you

and I dancing

through my

dreams

The Rise and The Fall

I allow alone
to teach me
To show me
To heal me
To gift me

Gifts.....
New windows
New walls
The triumph of
rises
after the
falls

Opportunity
Clarity
Planning

Metamorphosis

I, cocooned
Tightly
wound within the 
tunnels of
time

Be coming...

Winged wonder
emerging
in the Spring
Post peace of
the binding fibers
of the healing
compression
of
time

Metamorphosis

Emergence from
the
windowed
bind of the
walls of
the
chrysalis.....

Sprung free...
the inner
nexus of wisdom
Re-birthed

Gifts.....
A newborn life 
without
windows 
without
walls
Bathed in the rise
of the daily light
Owning the beauty
of
the set of the
sun in her
blessed
nightly 
fall.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5QH3bGF4uU

When South is North

Pieces....

shattered

blown....

battered

The way it must

be

 

Broken

down

Blown

around

Riding the

rise of the gale

forces

Turned

Churned

Edges

Polished

Smooth

In the tumble

and the trials

of

riding the

wind that

blows

me south

 

I head south

to rediscover

my true

north

Magnetic

pull

Returning

to

cosmic

vibrational

school

Silent cocoon

of 

self study

Off to earn my

PHD

in

me