On the Step in the Sun by the Sea

A memory came to me just now.

I was prepping to leave San Francisco and return to Minnesota. As I mention it now, the depth of this reality is still felt in my heart chakra. It was like leaving a love, or losing a friend, being torn away from your joy, it seemed I would not make it through the whole process, although I knew I would. Many good things awaited me back here, my new grand baby, closer contact with the kids again, all amazing, lovely life gifts. Yet, still, I ached, deeply.

 I was attending my last writing class on a BEAUTIFUL, warm San Francisco Saturday afternoon down in the Sutro part of town right by Ocean Beach.

We were given the writing assignment to disperse from the group and go write for 30 minutes, perhaps it was 20, not important. I went to the Ocean, of course.

Sometimes A Song had just been released and I had downloaded it to my phone.

I sat in the sun, on a step by the park, numb and lost inside. I saw the sun on the sea, as Dan sings about here and I got very sad; missing him so and feeling like my soul would never recover from leaving this place I had become so enchanted with.

In a few synergistic minutes, I processed years of loss and hope and peace and gain, joy and pain. It was truly one of those moments when time showed up in its truth; when it stops long enough for us to catch up to the answers.

 I then very clearly heard Mama Ocean speak to me, this is the poem that came out:

Oh, Great Ocean that housed me in my infancy,

That birthed me fully and sent me to the land

Oh, mama Ocean, that fed me, nourished me, provided for me

Even now as I begin a new journey that takes me full circle away from you;

You lay the path before me

Your cadence is my heartbeat

Your breath; my soul,

Your tears… my buoyancy

You are calm today as you lap the shore with your massive tongue

As you quench the thirst of the weary

As your endless cycle sustains us all

I hear your call to me that says

"Aptonwa a-tay-ya-ho contemton mayay tunai-a"

"Move on, my love. I command and comfort you; it is safe for you now to venture away from thee.

 The rest is complete, the restoration fulfilled

Return to your present, your future, your past and allow me to gift you in ways unimaginable.

 MAMA HOLDS YOU"

It dawned on me, as I sat in the warm bubbles, fully immersed in the water and in the total recall of this moment in my life; prepping for our reunion,  that I realized a deep truth. My DanFam is such a huge part of this promise she sang to me: Return to your present, your future, your past and allow me to gift you in ways unimaginable.

Thanks for showing up, soul family. There are not words for me to convey how much this comforts me right now, here NOW. My soul is recovered, because we uncovered each other ! We were found that day by the river.

I know NOW, that I can feel this moment, hear the surf, smell the air, feel the pain and the joy, because I still am there. I still sit on the step in the sun by the sea with the pen in my hand, notebook on my lap, this song in my ears. I never left, do you see? 

We are everywhere we have ever been and every place we are going all at the same time, always. Some day we'll know this at our core. Aho, family.