Ghost Writer

The days seem daunting

As you allow the haunting

of the ghosts of your past

The only shadow that's been cast

on your future bright

Is the one of your own frozen fright

Looming larger than any life it knew

The fear inside you multiplied and grew

Until it wrangled your very soul

and you lost what you never owned....

CONTROL

 

Slow down

Saddened, hardened clown

No laughs from the theater in the round

For a clown clad in a frozen frown

 

Control, a fallacy

A mind messed fantasy

Distance, distress,

wife, mistress

Just one more fix

Hung upon the crucifix

of the fear hanging overhead

In full view above your empty bed

This ain't like the books you've read

 

It's your life!

 

Is the flow of your tale happy or depressed

Why don't you ask the fear..... repressed 

Working as your silent ghost writer

Never will your horizon shine brighter

Until in your own hand rests the pen

Perhaps I will buy your story then

help......me......

Riding the raging river
Heading out to the vast sea
Head held just above water
The fight is killing me
Help me....I am sinking

I am trapped in a current
Heading to a place so viscous
and voracious
How can I survive this?
Help me...I am frightened

No one beside me
No one behind
No hope ahead
How do I gather the strength
To stay afloat?
Help me....I am too weak

Help me....I give up
Lift me
Breathe for me
Tell me
It is all gonna be ok
Help me
I can not do this by
myself

The Mirror's Reflection

http://www.twistedrootstudios.com

Sun on shoulder
Saunter stride
Broken promise
Broken pride

Vacant glossy stare
Open space to no where
Awaiting the river to flow
away your insurmountable cares

take it easy
take it slow
live life gentle
let the drama go

Slow under the top soil
Easy in the depths
Release your worn out past
In this new life, rest

take it easy
take it slow
live life gentle
let the drama go

I heard you call my name
You needed my assistance
In my act of attempting to help
You offered only resistance

take it easy
take it slow
live life gentle
let the drama go

When you're ready to live life real
I will offer my protection
I've been there all along, you see
That's me you feel in the mirror's reflection

take it easy
take it slow
live life gentle
let the drama go

Pride ala Mode

Pride and ego I am shedding
Fear I am befriending
Time to step out from this cycle never ending
To my truth I am ascending

Been stuck in the hole long enough
I dug the damn thing my damn self
Letting go of all the heavy, ugly, untrue stuff
Taking my life back, today "I" come off the shelf

Cuz pride and fear and ego still taste the same
Even if you cover them in ice cream
At the end of the day it matters not who is to blame
I need to stop my soul's deep dark scream

The silent scream that keeps me up all night
As I wrestle with the pain I'm towin'
Makes no difference who is wrong, or who is right
Today I am going to where my soul's been knowin'
I must go

To my truth I do ascend
Slow, focused and steady is my course
Ain't no more time now to pretend
I go directly to my own source

My truth lies just below the surface of my muddy water
No more attempts to sink it deeper
I like the me my truth is birthin'.. like a daughter
of myself, she is beautiful... I shall keep her

No more ice cream piled atop my ego and my pride
Today's the day I give up my life untrue, today the lies end
I live it raw and real, letting my truth out from deep inside
Becoming the true me, as to my truth I ascend

To my truth I do ascend
Slow, focused and steady is my course
Ain't no more time now to pretend
I go directly to my own source

http://www.twistedrootstudios.com

Truth reflected......

I see myself in the mirror of my life

the self I am today reflects the self

I have been, yet also

the self I am becoming

In the mirror of my truth

I see NOW

Is NOW not then?

Is NOW not coming as well?

I rest in the knowledge of NOW

I allow the wisdom of NOW

I am illuminated by the

Mirror of my truth

NOW

Below the surface of NOW

the magic is created

I am helped and haunted by

memories of NOWs gone by

Peace envelopes me fully

As I settle into the waves

Diving deeply when 

called to the dark, seductive depths

The voice of my truth

constant, vibrating

Guiding and supporting

my journey

NOW

A Decision To Love.....

 LOVE is a decision, unconditional.....and a decision can change, or not.

Today, the message reached me before the song......but, of course, the song fits into the space created for it long before the awareness of the message was mine......

I spent a beautiful, long weekend with my family......one of those people is my daughter's significant other who, unfortunately, owns the ability of not living up to his potential very often. This reminds me of my first marriage....the similarities really are mind numbing at times. To see my daughter going through much of what I did is difficult and I know the pain she must feel. However, I also now know that she makes a choice to stay in that place, just as I did long ago. I am pleased with who I have become later in my life, and I now honor that which did not kill me, even though at times I felt close to death's door in one way or another. I am secure in the fact that she will make the decisions she needs to make at any given time in her life, I taught her that lesson.

I made a decision to love him long ago, because she does and he is the father of my grandson, and because this is the way I wanted it to be. I realize that he made a decision that was STUPID and shows he cares more about himself than others still, and that he STILL needs to GROW UP. However, he makes his decisions and I make mine, Emily makes hers and so on to infinity.

I know that I love a person who most likely does not love himself as evidenced in his careless ways. I continue to love him, and at the same time, I would love to kick his ass! Butt.......until I decide not to love him, he has my love whether he honors it or not.....some day he may deserve it, or some day I may decide to not love him. As of now, I hate his behavior and his lack of compassion and common sense. He made a really inconsiderate, ego based decision that could impact his family in an awful way......stupid HUMAN!

And, yet,  I love him.....because love is a decision, not an emotion.

Pride....

Is pride a blessing or a curse?
We are told to watch our prideful behavior, yet our parents bless us with "I am so proud of you!" and "I could not be prouder of you if I tried", and we are told "Make me proud!"
It seems in these cases, someone else can be proud of us, yet it is unflattering for us to have too much pride in ourselves or our accomplishments.
Kind of a predicament we lay upon ourselves......silly humans!

Lying just below the surface is the fact that we all have our own ideas about what is accepted, should be accepted, what is right or wrong.
Dan is so right....."Come from behind......it's a matter of time till ya see who you've always been"
Who are you being?
Are you your true self, sometimes too prideful, some times fucking up, and getting it wrong....just like everybody else? Sometimes scoring the big goal that wins the game.....you know what, pat yourself on the back in those times, because they are cause for celebration, my friend! We are a blending of the times we succeed and the times we fail, but both are important parts of the total experience that make us...us.

Who is that person that stares back at you in the mirror?  Can you say with modest pride that you approve of him or her? I can and I make no excuses for saying that, it took a lot of time, effort, trust and balls for me to get here and I OWN IT!

On occasion, I am PROUD of MY DAMN SELF!!!
There, I said it!